Regrets
by Brightest Firefly
Summary: Ryan tells Marissa how he feels. Takes place during The Graduates and at Berkley. Not an alternate ending. One shot.


Spoilers for 325: The Graduates.

A/N: I don't own Marissa, Seth, or Ryan, or anything related to The O.C.

* * *

Ryan was lost in his thoughts as he drove, with Marissa sitting beside him in a comfortable silence. The idea of life without her, even if it was just for a year, seemed incredibly strange and almost terrifying. She was supposed to go to Berkley with him. She was supposed to be the one that never left him. At least she'd promised to keep in touch.

The next thing he knew, he was at the airport, telling her good-bye. Marissa embraced him tightly and he inhaled her scent, committing it to memory. "I can't believe you're really going," he whispered into her hair.

She pulled back, wiping a tear off her cheek. "Me either. I can't imagine what it's going to be like living on a boat. No girls' nights with Summer, none of my moms scheming and scandals. And no you."

He shuffled his feet, studying his shoes. "You mean the fist fights, the drama, and making up and breaking up?"

"And making out in the janitor's closet between classes," she added playfully.

Ryan smiled at the memory. "I think we almost gave that poor guy a heart attack."

Marissa laughed, but after a moment, her face fell.

"What?" he asked gently.

"Nothing, it's just… I never thought I'd be leaving you. I've told myself over and over that I could do it, but now that I'm here…"

"Don't," he interjected before he could stop himself.

"What?" She was almost positive she hadn't heard him right.

"Don't go. Stay in Newport. Come to Berkley with me. If it doesn't work out you can always meet up with your dad later. Please, Marissa. Don't let a few mistakes dictate the rest of your life."

Marissa was struggling to process everything he was saying. "You want me to stay?"

He placed his hand on her cheek tenderly. "Please come home with me, Marissa." Slowly and softly, he pressed his lips to hers.

"Okay," she replied, beaming at him.

"Okay?"

"Let's go home."

As they drove back to the Cohens' house, a car behind them blared its horn without ceasing. Lights flashed and he felt a jolt.

"Ryan!" Her voice sounded odd. "Ryan!" This time it sounded much closer and much more masculine. "Atwood!"

Ryan opened his eyes and found his roommate hovered over him. A groan escaped his lips. "Sorry." He reached over and turned off the alarm.

"Don't worry about it. But you're going to be late for you calculus final if you don't get up. Nightmares again?"

Ryan looked at the framed picture of him, Marissa, Seth, and Summer beside his bed and shook his head. "The nightmare is when I wake up and realize it was just a dream."

* * *

Four months earlier:

Eric Carlson carted the first load of boxes up to his room and found his roommate already completely moved in and settled. There were two boys on the far side of the room. The blonde boy was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, and the boy with dark curly hair was sitting at the foot of the bed drawing in his sketch book.

The boy with dark, curly hair stood. "Hi, you must be Eric. I'm Seth, Ryan's brother."

Eric shook his hand and smiled. "Are you going to school here too?"

"I'm actually going to Rhode Island School of Design for the spring semester."

"That's cool. So where are you guys from?"

"Newport Beach. Well, Ryan is actually originally from Chino, but he's been in Newport for several years. What about you?"

"Iowa." Eric glanced at Ryan and was unsure what to make of the situation. He hadn't moved or even looked in his direction.

Seth followed Eric's gaze and walked over to stand beside Ryan. "Hey, Ryan. Ryan. Your roommate is here."

When Ryan looked at Seth, it was as if he was just noticing he was in the room. "She should be here."

"I know, buddy," Seth replied quietly.

"I should have told her that. That she belonged here."

"I know you miss her, but she's in a better place now." Seth had never been very good at giving condolence, but between his girlfriend and his best friend, he'd done a lot of it over the summer. "She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. She would want you to move on. Come on, you've got to do this. You've got to try. For Marissa."

Ryan seemed to be debating this for a few minutes before he sighed and slowly sat up. "Okay. I'll try."


End file.
